While I wish I could have stepped up and done whatever my head/heart/gut wanted to do in the moment in this situation instead of overthinking and running, I still don’t really have any regrets. I WILL be that woman eventually, maybe even as soon as next time. I have the capacity. I just didn’t have the confidence. And I think it took me experiencing something that could have been real, could have been something, and essentially ruining it to get it. His inability, or better unwillingness, to stick around hoping anymore very well might’ve been the swift kick in the ass I needed to wake up.
Shades of Understanding: John Mayer’s White Supremacist Dick
The only reason I paid any attention to this interview was all of the drama following it. Aside from sharing unsavory details about his obsessions with porn and masturbating, interesting comments about exes and unnecessarily using the N-word to justify a hood pass, John Mayer is apparently not interested in sleeping with black women. Shocking, I know! But who cares? As a black woman, I’m not all that interested in sleeping with him either. My heart’s not broken.
Romantic Cynic: Seeking Temptation
I realize that probably sounds mean and maybe somewhat conceited. I’m not saying that I have all of these wonderful men lining up at my feet. In fact, the only thing by my feet is my puppy Rodman. But you know what? If it’s Rodman or a man who gives me the creeps, I’ll take canine companionship every time. When you find yourself thinking, “Please don’t try to kiss me. I’d rather finish the DVD.”, it’s probably time to get out. Like anyone else who’s tried it, I know it’s just not worth trying to force the attraction.
Romantic Cynic: Rebounding from Single?
We often tell ourselves that rebounds are acceptable as long as you recognize them as being just that, something to make yourself feel better and to eventually move past. Okay, okay. You get out of a relationship. You get to “play around” for a while. That’s simple enough. But what’s it called when you’re reintroducing yourself to the possibility of the opposite sex (or same, whatever works for you) after a not-so-brief hiatus? Are you allowed to rebound from a long-term relationship with yourself?
Romantic Cynic: Not the Type to Take to Prom
After realizing he’d have no choice but to be honest, he told me, “You’re not the type of girl to take to prom. You’re the type to marry.”….Well, okay then. What do you do with that? Knowing him and his interests, I had no choice but to translate that to mean I’m not the type to take out in hopes of immediate sex. I’m the type to actually date. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s actually a good thing. But where does that leave someone like me 7 years later? I’d like to believe that statement still holds true for me but are there new dimensions to add as I approach 25, not 18? At what point do girls/ladies/women like me start to become the goal and not the concern? And is there a middle ground for us? Does this type of statement mean you respect us but realize you’re not ready for us yet? Or that we’re more effort than you’re willing to expend in general? Or does it just sound like something a girl you’re not interested in should like to hear?
Romantic Cynic: Dating in the Group
You can be respectful of the group AND go for broke all at the same time IF it’s worth it to you at that moment. Sometimes things in a group happen naturally. If so, go for it. The easy transition from group friend to “special” friend probably means something. However, if any part of it seems forced, it might be time to reconsider. Anything remotely romantic or sexual can do a lot more damage than a platonic argument within a group.
